Is this loss you’re feeling?
All week I was feeling so heavy, couldn’t get motivated, had no energy. Each day I wanted to stay in my jammies all day and under the blanket.
But I did get up. I went to the office and being with my clients did help to bring some normalcy for that hour. I truly enjoyed being with them even through a computer screen. But it was the in-between where heaviness and sorrow would return. The office was so quiet. The building was so quiet. No ladies’ meeting in the bathroom. I look out the window and the parking lot was only a third full. Silence was deafening.
First week of COVID, Anxiety. Second week, Loneliness and Loss.
And it finally hit me yesterday. I was getting ready to see my son who now lives with my parents, and then realized, “Should I?” I went to the grocery story the day before. What if I have the virus and don’t know it? There are other family members in the house that are more at risk. It was such an awful feeling to decide, do I not see my son and for how long? But if I take a chance and I lose a family member because of it, how could I ever forgive myself?
I JUST BROKE!
First realizing I may not be able to see my son for I don’t know how long. But to lose someone…. The tears were overwhelming. I realized how much I was carrying all of this in for the past week.
The sense of loss hit me like a punch in the stomach.
I know that I can’t be the only one going through this or feeling this way.
So please, give yourself some grace. Some patience. Some self-compassion. This is so hard and even harder not knowing for how long.
I don’t mean to stay in bed all day and wallow. But let allow yourself to feel sad, angry, cry. Don’t feel guilty if you’re wanting a break from the kids. It doesn’t mean you’re a bad parent or that you don’t love your kids. This isn’t easy. If it hasn’t hit you yet, remember we have a few more weeks. I don’t mean to be negative, but instead am reminding you that it’s okay that you feel the way you feel.
I get it, I hear you, and I feel you. I am with you in spirit. Please, Please
Take care of you too!
If you need some meditations to help get you there, click here.