Now that you’ve learned a little bit about how stress and trauma impact your nervous system (see previous blogs), it’s here we emphasize the importance of patience in therapy as you begin to work on a transition from dysregulation to regulation.
Many of my clients often express frustration in the initial phase of therapy. Boy, do I get it! You decide to finally face and overcome your past. You’re hopeful and ready to dive in. Great! But your nervous system, has a different idea.
It’s frustrating when you want one thing, but your mind and body do another.
These defensive, intrinsic, and autonomic reactions that developed in childhood are persistently in survivor mode and don’t know how to stop.
There is a double whammy that is happening here. The autonomic reactions and the critical voice. If your experience in childhood is receiving negative messages from a critical parent or caregiver, those same negative messages become your own later in life. They become the voice of your inner critic. So, there is the frustration that ONE, our reaction patterns keep happening, even when we understand why and TWO, our inner critic beats us up for not being able to stop it (initially).
This frustration turns into in-patience with yourself and the process. It’s natural to want to HURRY up the process and overcome this physical, mental, and emotional pain. There is a moment of wanting to push, force, or leap to the other side but then we’re repeating the dynamic that led us here in the first place. The scolding and shaming. We need to provide our self, our body, PATIENCE.
Let’s pause here and think about this.
What would your childhood look like if your parent or caregiver provided you with patience? Patience when you were upset, hurt, sick, needed to be fed, learning something new, or help with your homework? What would your childhood look like if you received understanding, was heard, and provided validation for your feelings? Notice how your body and mind feel just thinking about this possibility?
Much of the work in therapy is learning how to be patient, loving, and compassionate towards yourself. This leads to safety. Safety leads to healing. Healing to a regulated nervous system. Regulation leads to peace, ease, and healthy relationships. From a negative cycle to a positive one.
It’s my job, as your therapist, to help you slow down. Model and hold patience for you, initially, until you develop this quality on your own and continue to move forward with healing from there.
Therapy is a journey we will travel together. Like any trip, we need to pack our patience. A gift from you to you.